


Bat-Pizza's Grand Re-Opening!

by CloakedSparrow



Series: Collected Bat-Family Stories [22]
Category: Bat Family (DCU), DCU (Comics), Detective Comics (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Bat Brothers, Bat Family, Brothers, Gen, No Romance, No Smut, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 04:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13139382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloakedSparrow/pseuds/CloakedSparrow
Summary: Dick has lunch with Damian, teaches him about pizza parties and eggplant emoji, and tries to plant the seeds for a better relationship between Damian and Tim. Its a bit of work, being the eldest Wayne child, but Dick loves it.





	Bat-Pizza's Grand Re-Opening!

**Author's Note:**

> I've mentioned Bat-Pizza in a couple previous fics and a friend said he wanted to see the menu like we saw Batburgers' in the comics. That menu turned into this story.

Welcome to Bat-Pizza’s Grand Re-Opening! 

After the near total destruction of our flagship location, Bat-Pizza has returned with all the care, quality, and loyalty Gothamites expect from anything claiming the title of our own Dark Knight!

All our pizzas are made from scratch with our classic hand tossed dough, a mixture of fresh mozzarella and Romano cheese and your choice of our signature _Red Robin_ or _Black Bat_ * sauce. 

Toppings are arranged in the Bat Symbol of your choice. Select from _Batman_ , _Batwoman_ , _Batgirl_ , _Black Bat_ , _Red Hood_ or _Nightwing_!

For those who like things simple but powerful, try our _Robin_ ’s nest! A generous pile of our signature bread sticks with red, green and yellow dipping sauces**. Ask for _Red Robin_ ’s nest to replace the bread sticks with seasoned breaded zucchini sticks.

Or try our slow roasted _Robin_ wings***! Available in _Original Robin_ (lemon pepper with the right amount of zest and spice like our original Boy Wonder); _Red Robin_ (buffalo seasoning with just a little extra kick like the former Boy Wonder); and _Hooded Robin_ (unseasoned but extra salty like our current Boy Wonder). 

Feeling like something a little crazy? Try our _Joker_ pizza! Our hand tossed dough slathered in creepy green pesto sauce, cheese, and roasted red peppers in the shape of the Rogue’s signature smile.  
Or try our _Harley Quinn_ pizza! Half _Red Robin_ sauce and half _Black Bat_ * sauce with our traditional fresh cheese blend, red peppers and black olives in the shape of the Rogue’s signature diamond pattern. 

A recent interview with a delightful grandmother of seven who was rescued from a burning building by our own _Red Robin_ has informed us that the mini caped crusader had to turn down the brisket she offered as thanks because he has dietary restrictions. Poor thing! In light of this news and in respect for one of our favorite heroes, Bat-Pizzas is proud to present our new _Red Robin_ pizza!

Our _Red Robin_ pizza features a gluten free thin crust covered in our signature _Red Robin_ sauce and topped with non-dairy cheese. It wouldn’t be Bat-Pizzas without our beloved hero’s logo, and our chef has really risen to the occasion (pun intended)! To top off our _Red Robin_ pizza, we have a blend of artichoke hearts, mushrooms, olives, and Roma tomatoes in the shape of our hero’s trendy cross-body utility belts with the _Red Robin_ symbol at the center!

Another recent interview with a rancher upstate informs us that the latest Robin has become a vegetarian. Sounds like the little guy has a soft spot for animals. How cute! In honor of our young hero’s new diet choice, Bat-Pizzas is proud to present the new _Robin_ pizza!

Our _Robin_ pizza is made with your choice of our signature _Red Robin_ sauce or pesto sauce and our traditional fresh cheese blend. It is topped with vegetarian pepperoni, black olives, and yellow bell pepper arranged in that classic _Robin_ ‘R’ we all love to see watching us from the rooftops when have to walk home on a dark night. 

For those with a bit of a sweet tooth, try our new fruit and yogurt pizzas! Each pizza is made with our hand tossed dough, covered in our homemade _Dark Knight_ yogurt sauce and topped with fruit compote in the shape of the co-ordinating hero’s Bat Symbol! Choose from _Batman_ (blackberry), _Batwoman_ (raspberry), _Nightwing_ (blueberry) or _Red Hood_ (strawberry)!  
Or try our _Robin_ ’s eggs! Sweet rolls with red, green, and yellow icing.+  
In the mood for something cold? Try our _Mr Freeze_ dessert cups! Creamy vanilla ice milk with your choice of fruit compote or candies whipped right in.++

Watching your carbohydrate intake or just feel like getting more greens in your diet? All of our standard pizza toppings can be served cold on a bed of fresh baby greens. Just ask for an Ivy plate (side salad) or an Ivy platter (dinner salad).+++

Eating on the go? Try our _Bat Wing_ calzones! Your choice of toppings, _Red Robin_ sauce, _Black Bat_ sauce*, or pesto sauce and our traditional cheese blend, wrapped in our hand tossed dough and shaped like _Bat Wing_ ’s recognizable symbol.

Wash it all down with our home made Italian sodas, real ice cream shakes, home brewed _Red Hood_ root beer, or our premium _Mad Hatter_ iced teas! 

 

*Excessive consumption of _Black Bat_ marinara sauce may result in temporarily discolored teeth, gums and bowels. Bat-Pizzas is not liable for any such excessive consumption nor any damages or emotional distress caused by it.  
**Includes our signature _Red Robin_ , pesto, and nacho cheese sauces.  
***Vegetarian wings available upon request.  
+Includes strawberry (red), vanilla (green), and lemon (yellow) icing.  
++Flavors available include blackberry, blueberry, raspberry, strawberry, oreo cookie, Reese’s pieces, confetti chocolate chip, peanut butter chocolate chip, and German chocolate cake. Note: All flavors may not be available at all locations.  
+++ Don’t worry, these salads are poison free!

______________________________________________________________________________

Dick waited patiently as Damian looked over the flyer he’d handed him. 

When they found out that Jason and Tim had a Bat-Pizza and video game night earlier that week (which they’d not invited any other member of the family to beyond Alfred), the boy had demanded to know why he hadn’t heard of Bat-Pizza and what exactly the restaurant served. Conveniently, Dick had gotten the flyer with his mail that day on the way to pick up Damian for their biweekly Batburgers brothers’ lunch. 

Damian scowled at the flyer as if it had personally offended him. Before Dick could ask, the boy expressed the source of his vexation. “Why are the Robin wings inspired by me ‘unseasoned but extra salty’? I am _not_ an unseasoned fighter!”

“Its just because you haven’t established your personality as Robin yet, aside from the fact that you usually seem irritated. Hence the ‘salty’ part.” Dick patted his little brother’s shoulder. He hadn’t expected Damian to be insulted by the menu. The boy still hadn’t showed any issue with Batburgers not having a Robin figure based off him, so Dick had thought he didn’t really care what the general public thought of his vigilante persona. There seemed to be few whose opinion Damian truly cared about anyway and those who made the cut were fully aware of both his skills and faults.

Dick decided to offer an alternate reason when the former explanation didn’t do much to ease the crease in Damian's brow. “Plus, they need to offer a lightly seasoned wing for people who don’t like all the other spices and your Robin worked best for that role.”

Damian considered that for a moment before asking a counter question. “What about Todd’s Robin? He wasn’t Robin as long as you or Drake and he was certainly salty enough.” At least he sounded more irritated than insulted now. 

Dick chuckled at the assessment of Jason’s teen years. “That’s true enough. But aside from Tim, I don’t think anyone realized me and Jason were two different boys, so he didn’t get his own wings.” 

Damian’s frown turned curious as he looked over the wings section again. Clearly, he’d overlooked the fact that it was missing the second Robin the first time around. 

“See? At least you got an acknowledgement.” Dick was glad the information soothed Damian’s ire, but he really hoped their youngest brother wouldn't try to lord it over Jason. There was no way that approach wasn’t going to turn ugly. 

“I suppose. Still, it doesn’t look quite as appealing at Batburgers.” The boy’s eyes immediately darted to his big brother’s. “We’re still dining there, correct?”

“’Course we are.” Dick dropped an arm around Damian’s shoulders and started steering him toward his car. “But you might want to keep Bat-Pizzas in mind for group events, like your next barn raising, or parties.”

“Why would I need a second barn? The one we have is more than satisfactory for Bat-Cow and Kit-Cow.” Damian frowned and swatted Dick’s hand away when he moved to buckle him in. “I can do that myself. ...And I don’t throw parties. Social events are father’s problem, not mine.”

Unlike his brothers, Damian was rarely forced to attend charity galas or other social events. Bruce had quickly decided that it wasn’t wise to turn his youngest child loose on high society. It was too much of a risk that the boy would give something away in his attempts to cow anyone who didn’t show him the respect he felt he deserved due to his parentage. Fortunately, Damian was quite happy to be left out of such situations. 

Dick pushed aside the thought that he might be able to get out of the next event Bruce tried to drag him to by volunteering to babysit his youngest sibling. He liked to focus on Damian when they were having their biweekly lunches. “Yeah, but Bruce’s parties are kinda boring and since you’re being home schooled, that means we have to make sure you experience a pizza party ourselves.” 

A brief look of genuine curiosity crossed Damian’s features before he stamped it out to simply arch a brow at his big brother. “How does a pizza party differ from any other party?”

Dick grinned at the show of interest. “They’re for kids...and teenagers...really for anyone who doesn’t care for stuffy ‘mature’ parties like the ones Dad drags us to.” He added the last before Damian could declare that he wasn’t a ‘kid’ and then quickly continued his description. “You eat pizza, drink soda, play games. I had my first one with the Teen Titans. We played a bunch of old games I used to play when I was a kid with the circus. It was great.” His smile softened at the memory. 

“Jason’s were all about the video games. That’s when we discovered him and Roy need to be on the same team. Otherwise, they’re _way_ too competitive. I wasn’t at either of Tim’s, but I heard he and his friends ate pizza and played Warlocks  & Wizards until Alfred made them go to bed.” Dick shrugged. It wasn’t his idea of a party, but it hadn’t been _his_ party. As long as Tim and his friends had enjoyed it, then it was perfect. 

“Even Cass has had one. She, Stephanie, and Harper had a pizza eating contest. Technically Tim and Barbara were in it too, but they never stood a chance and they knew it.” Dick had missed most of that one, but Cassandra, Tim, and Barbara had filled him in on everything he hadn’t been there for. It sounded like they’d all had fun and that made Dick happy.

They discussed Damian’s schoolwork and training for the rest of the drive. Dick ordered a Robin Meal with a burger on the side to double Damian’s chance of getting one of the toys he wanted. It turned out to be a wise move, as Damian received the Red Hood figure for the third time. As he traded for his Batwoman figure, Dick wondered if were possible that they were somehow intentionally giving the boy the same toy with his meal.

After inspecting his new acquisition, Damian looked at Dick curiously. “Do they have collectible toys at Bat-Pizza?”

“Not like this. They don’t come with the food, but there’s like a mini arcade off the main dining room. You win tokens that you can use on machines to get assorted Bat-themed stuff; stickers, patches, mini figures, trading cards, little puzzles, bouncy balls. Its fun.”

Damian looked intrigued and Dick knew he’d be taking his little brother to Bat-Pizza soon. He’d see if there was a day that their father and siblings could come too, make it a family dinner. Dick liked those.

“Do they have Cheese Vikings in this...mini arcade?”

“Yeah. Well...they did before the remodel. I haven’t been there since. We should go sometime and check it out.” Dick grinned at his little brother. “I have to warn you though, if its the same machine as before, the top two high score spots haven’t been beaten in a few years.”

Damian scowled. “Its not the same player as the local arcade, is it?”

He was furiously trying to beat the high score on the Cheese Vikings game at the local arcade, and Dick hadn’t thought it would help his sportsmanship (or his youngest siblings’ relationship) to mention that initials that vexed him on the score screen, _TDW_ , stood for Tim Drake Wayne.

“Yep. Apparently _TDW_ is just impossible to beat.” Dick realized that probably wasn’t the best approach if he wanted to subdue Damian’s competitiveness toward Tim. “But hey, at least you know someone in town likes the game as much as you do. That’s pretty cool, right? I bet if you teamed up on the co-op, you’d be unbeatable together.”

 _That_ , apparently, had been the right approach. Dick could tell that Damian was still vexed at the idea of someone he couldn't beat, but the thought of teaming up with someone who shared his skill in the game was definitely an exciting concept to the boy. 

“That could be enjoyable... But its unlikely I’d ever encounter _TDW_. It looks like they stopped playing around the same time I started.” Damian sniffed as though disinterested.

Dick knew better. He smiled. “You never know.” 

Knowing he needed to change the subject before Damian got suspicious, he decided to ask after the boy’s pets. It was usually safe territory. “So, how is Alfred Pennyworth enjoying his catio?”

To his delight, Damian pulled out his phone to show Dick some photos of his cat.

When they returned to the Manor later, Tim was there and clearly getting ready to leave again. 

Dick smiled, always glad to see any of his siblings, especially in a setting when they were unlikely to be injured or killed. “Hey Timmy. What brings you here?”

The teenager offered a small, but genuine smile. “Just topping off the security on Bruce’s new phone and showing him how to use emoji without accidentally referencing his penis.” 

Damian’s head snapped toward the second-youngest Wayne. “What?” 

“I’m gonna let Dick explain that one to you.” Tim replied before turning back to Dick. “But someone had to explain it to Bruce before he scarred one of us for life or someone saw and called child services.”

“I’ll explain when you’re a little older.” Dick assured his youngest sibling, who only looked more disturbed at Tim’s further response. “Until then, don’t use the eggplant unless its with a member of the family and ignore it if Dad uses it.” 

Dick laughed lightly at the small grimace that crossed Tim’s face at the mention of the purple fruit. “You too? He’s accidentally asked me for a dick pic four times since he started trying to use emoji. I panicked and told a nosy coworker that he calls my selfies ‘Dick pics’ when they saw one of his texts. I guess that wouldn’t work for you though.”

Tim shook his head, looking torn between being amused and disturbed. “He accidentally asked me to perform fellatio when he was trying to invite me over for lunch. I’m not gonna be able to eat eggplant for months now.” 

Dick couldn’t help but laugh more heartily at that. “Of all the things for him _not_ to be able to master...”

Damian looked baffled as he followed the conversation. “Why would an eggplant be used to reference a penis?” He looked between his brothers, appearing disturbed but curious despite himself. “Are either of yours purple?”

Dick just laughed harder as Tim offered to send Damian a link that explained the history of the emoji’s odd use. Damian accepted without much fuss for once, and his little brothers were putting their phones away when Dick finally pulled it together. 

“Where are you off to now?”

“I’m heading across the bay to the Kents’. Conner’s babysitting and we’re gonna hang out.” Tim answered, then looked hesitant as he addressed Damian. Their relationship was still rather rocky and the second youngest Wayne never seemed to be sure what would set off his little brother’s ire. “You can come to see Jon, if you want.”

Dick smiled proudly at Tim. He knew it was a big deal for the teen to try to reach out to their little brother, especially when no other members of the family would be present. Although, Dick thought it was wise that Tim decided to offer such an invite when going to the Kent’s place. If they weren’t getting along, Damian could just hang out with Jon separately from Tim and Conner. Even if things went south, Damian wouldn’t dare attempt violence against Tim in Conner’s presence. Arrogant though he may be, Damian’s survival instincts wouldn’t let him take on the young Kryptonian.

Damian’s expression was more considering than Dick would have expected for a simple offer to go hang out with a friend, even if it was while Tim was in close proximity with his best friend. He glanced over at Dick -who tried to look encouraging- before appearing to make a decision. He crossed his arms and looked at Tim determinedly. “I want to bring pizza.”

Understanding what his youngest sibling had been considering, Dick’s proud smile quickly returned. 

Tim looked a little unsure, clearly noting that there was some weight to the declaration but lacking any context to understand it. “Uh, sure...We can stop at Bat-Pizza, unless you had something else in mind?”

Damian nodded. “Bat-Pizza will be sufficient. I want a Robin pizza and a Nightwing dessert pizza.”

Apparently deciding not to question whatever was happening, Tim pulled out his phone again. “Okay, I’ll put in an order so it’ll be ready when we get there. I’m gonna get another pizza and a salad. Do you think Jon will want some salad or bread sticks?”

Damian clearly hadn’t expected the follow up question but recovered by the time Tim looked at him. He kept his tone and expression neutral. “Perhaps.”

Tim arched a brow slightly, but didn’t comment until he was typing on his phone again. “I’ll get a large salad and a couple Robin’s nests just in case. Conner can really put away food, so its not like it’ll go to waste. You want anything to drink? The Red Hood root beer is really good.”

After a much shorter moment of consideration, Damian answered. “I’ll try it. And get one for Jon as well.” 

Tim ignored their little brother’s lofty tone and simply nodded. “I’ll just get one of the Robin party packages. It’ll come with enough root beer for everyone, plus the pizzas, salad, bread sticks, and some Robin’s eggs. Have you had those?”

Tim glanced from his phone to Damian, who merely stared at him. “Don’t worry; we’ll still get your Nightwing dessert pizza.” After another second of silence, the sixteen year old turned back to his phone, clearly deciding he wasn't going to get an answer.

Dick appreciated that Tim tried to be reassuring rather than point out Damian’s ill manners. However, he knew that was something the family needed to work on. He nudged his youngest brother with his elbow and mouthed ‘say thank you’.

The boy look unimpressed but his voice was level rather than bitter when he spoke to Tim next, so Dick decided to call it a win. 

“I haven’t eaten at Bat-Pizza, Drake. I...look forward to the opportunity to try everything.”

It wasn't quite an apology, or a clear expression of gratitude, but it was pretty good for Damian's standards. Dick decided to count it as further progress.

Tim looked a little taken aback at the almost-normal comment from his least trusted sibling. “Oh, I didn’t know that...” Dick kept his expression calm and pleasant when Tim’s eyes flicked over him, clearly looking for a sign as to how to react. He finally offered Damian a small smile. “I’ll get the Super Robin party package then. You can try the zucchini sticks and wings that way too. Classic Robin wings work for you?”

Damian eyed Tim for a second, as if looking for clues that he were being insulted. Upon finding none, he gave a short but non-hostile reply. “They’re preferable.”

“Cool, it should all be ready when we get there.” Tim put his phone away and looked at his little brother. “You want to head out now?”

While Damian did a good job of hiding it, Dick had learned to read his tells and could see that he was growing excited by the way the plans for his first ever pizza party were progressing. Dick couldn’t help the undoubtedly ridiculous smile on his face. 

“Very well. I’ll go get my things and inform Father that I’ll be at the Kents’ house.” Damian didn’t run off the way Dick would have at his age, but he was definitely moving with a purpose. 

“Should I be worried?” Tim sounded like he was leaning more toward curious than concerned. Dick appreciated that he waited until Damian was definitely out of earshot before asking. Then his second youngest sibling looked him over with mild suspicion. “And what’s with the smile?"

“Just enjoying my adorable little brothers.” Dick replied as he intentionally held his overly bright smile. He chuckled at Tim’s ‘no really’ look. “I was just telling Damian about pizza parties earlier. He’s never had one before.”

He could see the instant Tim caught on. “Oh.” His second youngest sibling looked toward the direction Damian had gone before turning back to Dick. “Do you want to come? He’d probably like it.”

Dick’s smile remained as he waved off the offer. “I’ll catch the next one. Let this one be about the kids.”

Tim rolled his eyes but appeared amused by his big brother’s words rather than irritated at being called a kid. Suddenly, the sixteen year old looked intrigued by something. “Hey...does Damian know I’m good at Cheese Vikings? Or games in general, for that matter?”

Dick had never mentioned it and he knew Tim had never played around Damian. Their little brother knew Jason and Tim played sometimes, but he never asked questions or joined their conversations when it came up. Add to that the fact that he clearly hadn’t figured out the identity of _TDW_ , and it was unlikely that he had any idea about their shared skill level.

Dick’s grin returned. “You know what? I think its time he found out.” 

A pizza party with their best friends and with no favored brothers or father around to impress would be the perfect place for Damian to learn of Tim’s gaming skills. The setting would help quell his competitiveness enough that he might actually have fun with Tim. If he did start getting too competitive, Conner would let him know that it wasn’t cool, while Jon would remind him that it was just a game with no shame in losing to your big brother. 

Tim tilted his head in acknowledgement. “What’s a pizza party without games?”

Dick glanced up the stairs, toward Damian’s room. “Does Damian know how to take his system's hard drive to Jon’s so he can copy his saves and scores?” If it went well, it might be nice for Damian and Tim to be able to continue playing their game at home. 

“You’d know better than I would.” Tim shrugged when Dick turned to him without an answer. “I could text him to bring it?” 

Dick noticed and appreciated that Tim didn’t ask why he thought their little brother would need it. “If he doesn’t know how to, he probably won’t tell you. You know, his room isn’t _that_ far. Maybe you could just offer to get it while he grabs whatever else he’s bringing?”

Tim stared into Dick’s eyes for a solid four seconds before sighing. “Okay...I don’t know what you have planned, but okay.” He pointed at Dick before heading up the stairs. “If he attacks me, you’re handling the fallout with Bruce and Alfred...and possibly Clark and Lois.”

Dick chuckled. “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.” He waved as Tim looked back before reaching the top landing. “Have fun!”

After Tim disappeared further into the Manor, Dick headed toward his car and took out his phone to check his schedule. He texted Jason and Cassandra to ask if any of the nights he had open in the next couple of weeks were good for them to have a family dinner. He’d check with Tim after, to cement a date. He’d long learned that Bruce was better at clearing his nightly schedule for his kids when told they all were meeting up and wanted him there, rather than being asked to find a free night ahead of time.

Just as he arrived home, Dick received a text from Tim. It was simply a photo of Damian, apparently taken in stealth. The boy wore a small smile as he tasted a Mr Freeze dessert cup from Bat-Pizza. Dick felt warmth bloom in his chest as he saved the photo. Later, he would be out as Nightwing, facing whatever horrors Bludhaven had in store for him that night. Whatever he faced wouldn’t seem so bad when he remembered his little brothers were out there, having a pizza party with their best friends and trying some frozen treats for the first time. 

Despite all the complications and challenges, Dick wouldn’t trade his life for anything. As much as he got a thrill out of detective work and felt a sense of completeness at helping good win for another night, the life he lived is what led to his family and he loved it all the more for that. With that thought, he sent Bruce a selfie of the smile he was wearing with a heart emoji to remind his father he was loved. 

He laughed outright when Bruce replied with an emoji string thanking him for the dick pic. It was followed by a winking emoji and a ' _love you too_ '.


End file.
